Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
