Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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