I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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