Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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