you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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