can we get nightvision for the apartment?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
