I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize