Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
is that a dick in a sweater?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
