Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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