the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
