Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
