So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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