Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
