I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
