you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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