my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
