Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
