I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want nice things and good sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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