I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
