Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
