I love black thongs
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
