he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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