My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
