I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
