I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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