apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
