I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
