i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
