i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i out mim tonsoeep
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