we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize