we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
