I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
