his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
