i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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