did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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