Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
