I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize