I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
