what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
