Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
