so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you inspire me to be a worse person
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
