so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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