I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
