Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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