Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize