I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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