I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I know her cup size but not her name....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
