Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize