i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
