I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
