the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
