why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
