you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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