Soap is not a condiment
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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