Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
