I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Damn victory sex feels great
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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