I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
