moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
