Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
