You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
