Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize