I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My vagina is officially offended.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
