You can't motorboat a personality
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
