It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
