there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
