worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
