You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
