Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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