Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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