I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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