I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
BRING THE BAGELS
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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