I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I forget how to act sober
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