He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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