Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
