So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
