Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He did a backflip because drugs
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize