Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
